


I don’t even remember anything but thinkin’ you’re the one

by noprincenorape



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Workplace, Child Abandonment, Coworkers - Freeform, Disney World & Disneyland, Disneyland!AU, F/M, Halsey inspired, Minor Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 15:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22713133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noprincenorape/pseuds/noprincenorape
Summary: it had been 3 years already and Rey knew that if she wanted to have enough money for next semester she needed to accept the job her old manager had offered her to reprise her role as Princess Belle. The call had been almost godsent. She had been just fired from her job at the university coffee shop and a summer working as a Princess for Disneyland would be definitely enough to survive for a few months before she could find a new job -preferably an acting job, but she wasn’t going to get her hopes up on that front just yet.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	I don’t even remember anything but thinkin’ you’re the one

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of the necessity to give something back to the Ratlos, so Valentine Day treat for y'all!
> 
> A few things:  
> \- This is supposed to take place in Disneyland / California adventure but my Euro ass only knows Disneyland Paris so I based the locations mostly on DLP, the cast cafeteria is basically Restaurant de Coulisse reworked and the few locations and events named are DLP-based but it won't affect the story whatsoever.  
> \- English is not my first language and I haven't written in years so bear with me  
> \- Happy Valentine's day even to ants, let the love brighten your day.

There were a few things Rey used to love about summer. The weather for example, she loved the feeling of the burning sun on her skin, she had lived in the desert her whole live so the heat offered a familiarity that she rarely living in LA. Summer was also her time to shine as an actress, she knew that being a Disneyland cast member wasn’t the glamorous acting debut she had dreamed as a child but she only needed to see the smiley faces of the children asking her to sign their autograph books to forget that she wouldn’t be considered a serious actress among her peers. 

She used to love summer, she used to love to go back to work during her summer break and she used to love to reconnect with old and new friends who shared her love for Disney and acting. She used to. 

That was until  _ he _ happened.  _ He  _ who had broken her heart, who had become her dream prince just to make her wake up painfully and without a warning. But, above all,  _ he  _ had made her hate working as a Disney princess, he made her dread coming back to this place and he made her give everything up and go back home with just sad memories and the firm resolution of not going back to her favorite place on Earth. 

But it had been 3 years already and Rey knew that if she wanted to have enough money for next semester she needed to accept the job her old manager had offered her to reprise her role as Princess Belle. The call had been almost godsent. She had been just fired from her job at the university coffee shop and a summer working as a Princess for Disneyland would be definitely enough to survive for a few months before she could find a new job -preferably an acting job, but she wasn’t going to get her hopes up on that front just yet.

At first she hadn’t been sure about it. Why would she go back there? Was she even ready to confront the memories that place would bring? But Poe was very convincing and she had a soft spot for her old manager, he was the one who helped her get through the Disney College Program and he had taken care of her through 4 summers before  _ he  _ had undone her life. 

Poe was aware of what had happened, to be honest everyone had known about it since there wasn’t that much drama going on behind the scenes at the parks. Everyone thought the Disney camp where most cast members lived during the summer was like a teenager camp full of over-hormoned Disney fans but in reality it was a group of over-exhausted adults trying to get as much sleep as possible before their next shift. 

So when she had gotten her heart broken, the whole camp had known. Her friends had tried to help her stay but she had quit that same day, how was she supposed to be Belle when her Beast had decided that he didn’t want her anymore? 

Maybe she was being dramatic but she was just 20 years old and enjoying the best summer of her life so who had given  _ him  _ the right to ruin it? 

So now she was back to where it all started. Poe had promised her that they had a new Beast, she would be acting with a new cast member, someone who had only worked in Paris before, and he had also promised her a raise and only working the parade and photo ops. The benefits were also really good and, if she was being honest, she really missed it. 

“Rey! I’m so glad that we have you back!” Poe came out of the admin cabin just as she stepped into the familiar place. 

She let him hug her, welcoming the friendly warmth. Poe was a very friendly manager. He treated everyone as family and since most of them were from out state and spending their whole summer between the parks and the camp, it was such a relief to know they could count on each other for anything. 

“Well, I wasn’t going to leave you or the children without a Belle, of course” She grinned as she hugged him back. 

“We better get you settle, I want you to know the new Beast ASAP. He is British too so I think you two will make an amazing couple.” Rey noticed something in Poe’s eyes when he said couple but she tried to ignore it, she didn’t need more reminiscing today.

“Sure, let me settle my stuff and we can meet in half an hour in the cafeteria?” 

Poe went back to the cabin and gave her the key to her cabin. “Do you need me to guide you?” 

“No, I think I still remember my way around” 

She picked up her bags and started walking, Poe had given her her old cabin so of course she knew the way and, for a minute, she was just walking in autopilot, the feelings of a previous life flooding her mind, friends and guests and being exhausted but unable to stop smiling. 

The cabin was small but it covered all basic necessities. The small living room had a table with 4 chairs, a kitchen and a TV (playing Disney Channel on a loop obviously). There was also a bedroom with two beds, all of the cabins were double or triple but Poe alway tried to have the newbies on the bigger cabins so they could bond easily. 

She entered the bedroom and noticed that half of the room was already decorated with Mulan and Stitch decorations and Rey smiled when she recognized the vibe. 

“So Poe had told me I was going to have to share the cabin again” A voice said from behind and she didn’t have to turn her back to know who it was. 

“Is that how you greet an old friend, mate?” Rey smiled and hugged Rose tightly. 

They hadn’t see each other in 3 years, she hadn’t seen any of her fellow cast members since she quit and, though she regretted cutting all contact, she knew it was necessary. 

“Friend? Are you sure? Because I don’t think I know you but you remind me of an old asshole who most definitely stopped making me tea 3 years ago” Rose scratched her chin in deep thought and Rey slapped her in the arm jokingly. 

“Ok, ok, I deserve it but I’m back so, forgive me?” Rey pouted and Rose started laughing at her pathetic attempt at being cute. 

Rose and Rey had shared a cabin since Rose was casted as a fur cast member 1 year before she left and they had bonded immediately. They were very similar, both loved tech and were secretly geeky so the moment Rose had taken out her gaming laptop on one of her free days Rey had jumped at her asking about specs and favorite games and they had spent their whole day ignoring Finn’s attempts to make them go to have dinner in favor of sharing gaming tips. 

“So are you back to cover Bazine’s absence?” Rose asked sitting on her bed. 

Bazine had been Rey’s understudy and second Belle for a few years and when Rey quit she had latched into the role without hesitation. And now she had left the role one week before she was supposed to start because she was casted on some dramatic role in LA -Rey knew that was code for dead girl on CSI- and she wasn’t going back so Poe had to call Rey last minute. 

“Yeah, Poe begged me and someone needs to train the new Beast, right?” She omitted the part about being recently unemployed too and just winked at Rose. 

“Yeah, the new Beast. I haven’t met him yet, I heard he has been training with a newly hired acting coach for a week so he should be ready to work. I think he was Phillip in Paris but princes don’t change much so he will be ok”

“I hope so, it’s been 3 years since I last worked as Belle so maybe I should ask Poe if he wants me to get some coaching before I start?” 

“Are you joking? You  _ are  _ Belle, Rey! You are the best Belle that has worked here and Poe will tell you the same”

Rey hugged Rose, the compliment reaching deeper thanks to her very present failed acting career. 

“Well, thank you. I think Poe wants me to meet our Beast now so do you mind if we catch up later?” 

Rose nodded and Rey left the room feeling at ease. She wasn’t going to admit it but she was scared of her friends’ reaction at her coming back. She knew she hadn’t been the best person the past few years and even though they would understand she was heartbroken and needed to mend her life, she still should have made the effort to keep in touch with them. So knowing Rose was on her side was such a relief, Poe was also still very much OK with her so only one person was left, Finn. But she would deal with him later, now it was time to meet the person that was going to work with her for the next 4 months. 

🏰🏰🏰

The work canteen wasn’t far from the park so in no time Rey was crossing the known double doors and smelling the familiar mix of french fries, coffee and sweat creating a weird atmosphere that reminded her of late nights and early mornings and hurting feets and aching faces. 

“Rey! Here!” She heard calling from one of the tables at the far end, just passing the stairs leading to the second floor. 

She smiled at Poe waving at her and walked to the table where he was sitting with a ginger-haired tall guy -not as tall as  _ him _ , her mind betrayed her- who looked mildly annoyed. 

“Rey, meet Armitage, you can call him Armie”

“No, you can’t” The guy said immediately while offering Rey a polite handshake. “I’m Armitage Hux. You can call me Hux.” He said simply and Rey’s smile faltered. 

“I’m Rey, I guess you are going to be my Beast for the next 4 months” She tried to sound nice and polite but she was feeling like they weren’t starting on the best foot. 

The handshake was firm, almost business-like, and Hux looked her up and down before letting her hand go and going back to his seat. 

“So… Hux used to be Phillip but he accepted to be the Beast this season here and since you have been Belle for a few years we are sure you two will be able to work perfectly together. You only have to work together in the parade since the Princess vs Pirates festival just ended. Armie, you will join some of our other princes for impromptu photo ops under the castle while Rey will be in the morning shift for photo ops at the Princesses Pavillion. So you basically don’t even have to talk much to each other, you will be sitting in your carriage smiling, waving and maybe faking some love dovey talk but guests won’t even listen. Any questions?” 

Hux and Rey looked at each other and then at Poe and they both shook their heads. It was a pretty simple task, one that both of them had done hundreds of times, so it was almost natural at this point. 

“So I guess this is meeting adjourned?” Hux said already standing

“Well, Poe, I’d like to talk to you about something so I will stay” 

Poe nodded and Hux took his leave without a second glance. 

“Tiny bit moody, don’t you think?” Rey asked once they were alone and Poe just shrugged with a smile. 

“So, what did you want to talk about? Have you met your cabin partner already?” He was trying to change the subject and Rey suspected Poe had already suffer Hux’s personality. 

“You are so bad” She laughed sending him what she thought was a killer glare. “Yes, I met her and I got her to remember her old cabin mate. Now, I need to talk to you about this new acting coach.”

Poe’s eyes opened wide and he suddenly dropped the soda can he was grabbing. 

“Oi! Careful!” Rey rushed to get some napkins to stop the disaster before it reached the floor. 

“Wha-what do you want to know about the coach?” He asked and Rey looked at him confused. 

“I just wanted to know if you want me to take a couple of sessions with him to get used to the role again? I haven’t been acting much these past few years so I don’t know if you trust me enough to jump directly into acting”

“Oh, no, no, I trust you 100%” Poe said in a high-pitched voice before coughing a little “It’s ok, Armie has been working with the coach for a week now to adapt to American guests but you will be fine” Rey found weird that he seemed to be avoiding saying the coach’s name or gender all the time but if she was going to have some extra free time she wouldn’t risk it by asking more than she needed to know. 

“Perfect, then. I guess then I can just chill for a couple of days, get used to the parks again and probably spend some of my time apologizing to my friends” 

“I think that’s a good idea, Finn has been dying to go to a Mexican restaurant in the city, I think joining him will give you points” Poe winked at her before standing from his chair, the sticky soda can still in his hand “I have to go back to work but you know where to find me if you have any questions” 

Rey nodded and went back to the cabin, she still needed to get settle and the trip had been exhausting so it took her almost no time to end up dead in bed. 

🏰🏰🏰

_ “You can’t be serious” Her voice sounded detached, almost as if it wasn’t her voice.  _

_ “I’m really sorry, I know this is sudden but it’s a great opportunity, Rey, can’t you understand that I need to take it? I know that if someone would understand it has to be you.” _

_ She grimaced at the hurt tone on his voice. Why was he the one feeling hurt when he was the one breaking her heart in a million pieces? _

_ “Understand? How can I understand you choosing to leave me here to go to some foreign country to film a low budget documentary? How can I understand that you are choosing Snoke over me?” _

_ “Come with me, Rey, we can go together, it will only be six months and you can go back to school when we come back!” _

_ “I’m not a fucking trust-fund child who can just drop everything and move a world away just on a whim, Ben! Don’t you understand that i  _ need _ this?” _

_ She was on the verge of tears but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her broken. She knew they were yelling in the middle of the camp, it was impossible for the rest of the workers to not hear this very public fight - _ break up _ \- but she draw the line in crying in public.  _

_ Deep down all she wanted was for him to just cross the distance between them and hug her, tell her everything was going to be ok, that he was going back for her, that they didn’t need to break up. But he didn’t move, he just looked at her with that wounded glare, like a scared animal who knew he was being abandoned. His eyes were red, unshed tears burning. And in that moment she hated him, she hated him as deeply as she loved him, because she knew it was over.  _

🏰🏰🏰

She woke up in the middle of the night, her sheets a tangled mess between her legs and her eyes burning. She touched her cheeks, wet with sweat and probably tears, and she cursed her subsconcience for acting on her own. 

Of course she would dream about him -about  _ them _ , their last day as a  _ they _ \- and for a moment she thanked her dream for not making her scream like it had happened before so Rose didn’t have to suffer her nightmares. 

_ Nightmares,  _ that’s what they were, old memories of the worst day of her recent life, the day she wanted to forget more than everything and still came back regularly to hunt her. She almost hadn’t had any bad dreams in the last year, most of her memories of that night were just flashes now, lights turning on, sad brown eyes, burning anger and cold sweat but she was mostly numb at this point, she would wake up, drink some water and go back to sleep. 

But she knew that being back in the war zone was going to have consequences and it hadn’t taken long. She got up from the messy bed and went to the living room. She was sure she wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep any time soon so it was the perfect moment for some calming tea. She went to wash her face while the water boiled and looked horrified at her bloodshot eyes and patchy skin. Thank God she didn’t have to work for another two days, no makeup would be able to take care of her face. 

She then remember that Rose was a sheet mask goddess so she looked through the drawers in the bathroom to find a perfectly organized stash of sheet masks for different purposes. She looked for a calming mask, an improvised pampering session already in the works. Even without Ben in the proximity, he was still hurting her and she wasn’t going to allow it, she would work hard, make amends with her friends and spend the summer how it was supposed to be, the ghost of their old relationship nothing more than a distant - _ painful _ \- memory. 

Once the sheet mask was on, the cool sensation already relaxing her, she went back to the living room to take care of her tea. 

“What are you doing up so early, Rey? It’s not even sunrise!” Rose’s sleepy head appeared from behind the corner. 

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” She asked while pouring water on a second cup for her now awake friend. 

“Early shift, the furry seamstress is coming early today to check all the costumes and they want all of us already inside by the time she arrives” Rose yawned while taking the cup Rey was offering her. “You haven’t reply to my question, though, you don’t have to work until Monday so what are you doing awake at 5:30?” 

“Bad dreams” She sighed being honest. “All of this doesn’t bring the best memories, you know” She pointed the outside through the window. “I know he is not here and I’m ok now but my subconscious doesn’t agree with what I want” She laughed slightly trying to look nonchalant. 

“You know that you don’t have to fake it with us, right?” Rose took her hand and squeezed it affectionately “We were all there, we all saw it, maybe not all of it but we know. And whenever you are ready to talk about it we will be here, all of us” She smiled before sipping her tea “omg, I missed your earl gray so much, Rey, you don’t even know!”

“Thank you, Rosie, for everything. And yeah, maybe me being back here means I might be able to talk about it without it crushing my soul.”

They kept drinking in silence, hands together, until it was time for Rose to go to work and Rey decided to spend the day looking for Finn and probably accepting his invitation to eat Mexican. 

🏰🏰🏰

The park hadn’t change at all in the 3 years she had been away. The same atmosphere of magic and happiness filled every corner, she was wearing her cast member card so her coworkers knew she wasn’t a guest and they didn’t need to bother with her. She roamed her favorite park, Magic Kingdom, until her feet hurt and she was sweaty and gross. 

“Rey?” She turned around and was greeted by her favorite Naveen in the whole world.

“Prince Naveen!” She said knowing her friend couldn’t possibly break character while working. 

“Omg, it’s really you! Stitch had told me that you were back but I couldn’t believe it!” He hugged her tightly “we need to talk as soon as I’m out of this costume” He whispered in her ear and the tone in his voice showed that she would need to make an effort to be granted his forgiveness, but she was up to the task. 

Naveen, or Finn once he was out of the costume, let her go and he went back to sign autographs while Rey looked at him with a bright smile. She missed this and she would do anything to get it back. 

She asked Finn’s non-costumed coworker what time was Naveen’s last stroll and since it wasn’t going to take long she decided to go back to the canteen, some food would make her company while her friend finished his shift. 

She walked into the crowded canteen in the backstage of the park. Finding an empty table was almost impossible so close to a change of shift. She looked around and a ginger head sitting in a table under the stairs caught her attention. It seemed like the new guy was sitting alone so it was the perfect excuse to try to get on his good side after their awkward first impression. 

“Hey, Hux!” She approached him with her nicest smile “Do you mind if we share a-” 

She stopped immediately, breathless as if she had being punched in the stomach. 

“Hi, fancy to see you here. I’m sorry, this table is occupied as you can see.” Hux looked at her and then at the person in front of him “Do you already know our acting coach, Ben Solo?”

She didn’t speak, her throat instantly dry, her eyes burning with angry tears, the same tears that woke her up in the morning. She started walking backwards, her eyes never leaving his. Before she could take another step he stood up -huge frame, perfect black hair bouncing with every movement, big, warm hands approaching- and reached her wrist, easily yanking her towards her. 

“What are you doing!” She spat with a shaky voice and tried to free herself from his grasp. 

“Since when are you back?” He asked in almost a growl, as if he had any right to be angry  _ at her _ . 

“I-I asked first!” She stuttered, kicking herself mentally for letting him affect her again. “What are you doing back here? Weren’t you supposed to be by now a hotshot actor in some Myanmar documentary or just freely roaming the world?” She found some strength in hurting him and his pained look caused a mix of satisfaction and regret, but she pushed the regret as deep as possible. “Did you already spend all your trust-fund money?”

He let go of her wrist as if it had burnt him. “See you tomorrow, Hux” He said turning around and without giving her a second look. 

She felt a sudden urge to follow him, to keep hurting him the same way he had hurt her. His sudden indifference ignited something inside of her, a fire that had been dead for 3 years and that would scorch anything it touched. 

“Well, that was awkward” Hux said standing too. 

“What do you mean he is our acting coach?” She muttered without looking at the place where Ben had been a few seconds ago. 

“He is the Disneyland’s new acting coach. You should ask Poe about it. I’m leaving now, his mood is already awful usually, I only hope you didn’t make it worse or you will pay.”

She ignored Hux as he left and kept staring at the empty chair. Why was he here? She had meant every word she has said. After their break she had been tempted to google him but was afraid of what seeing his face would unleash so she had stayed in blissful ignorance. But she knew him, she had acted with him for a few years and she knew he was good, too good to be a Disney Prince. So she just assumed he had moved on, she liked to think that even if he wasn’t on magazines or tv shows he was a big theater star, she knew he had always preferred the stage to a camera. 

So why was he back working in a Disney park? And, even worse, being an acting coach to cast members that even though they worked as hard or even harder than any other actor their range wasn’t really a challenge for someone with Ben’s talent? 

“Rey?” Finn’s voice brought her back to the present “Hey, are you ok?” He looked concerned. 

“Yeah, fine” She tried to sound ok. She was sure that she was doing a poor job but Finn didn’t press her. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh, ok, no pity party or small talk first?” He smiled and Rey couldn’t help back smile slightly back at him. Finn was the youngest of their group and he was naive and fun and always there to help and comfort her. “I think it’s better if we sit down.”

Finn seated in the same chair Hux was sitting, which meant that Rey had to sit in the same place Ben had been a few minutes ago. She took some air, her muscles clenching as if she could sit without actually touching the chair -which was still warm and the flashes of warm hands against her wrist made her shiver. 

“Finn, I-” She started, pleading with her eyes to get this out of the way as soon as possible so she could go back to her cabin to bury herself under the sheets. 

“No, please, let me go first. I know you are probably going to apologize, I’m going to act high and mighty before breaking character and we are going to hug and go to have dinner. But there’s something else, something Poe hasn’t told you and I asked him to! I asked him to give you all the information but he said you wouldn’t have to see him so he didn’t wanted to risk it so he didn’t tell you but you have every right to know so I don’t care-”

“Ben is back” She interrupted Finn’s babbling abruptly. “I know, I have already seen him” 

Finn looked at her opening and closing his mouth like a fish, probably trying to find the perfect words, but there wasn’t anything he could say to make it better or to make it go away. 

“I’m  _ so  _ sorry” He said finally and Rey knew he meant it. She wasn’t going to get mad at them, at least not at Finn or Rose -who probably also knew and that would explain their earlier conversation- but she was going to have a couple of words with Poe. 

“Don’t worry, Finn, I guess this makes us even?” She forced a smile trying to convince her friend that she wasn’t angry. 

“Mexican to celebrate?” 

“Ok, but you are buying!” She laughed knowing Finn wouldn’t say no to her. 

🏰🏰🏰

Rey really needed a night out with her friends and even though the beginning of the evening had been awkward with her openly declaring that she already knew about Ben and that she was considering murdering Poe for not telling her, it had only taken a couple of margaritas for all their problems and anger and guilt to disappear. 

The food had been excellent, the drinks sublime and the company otherworldly. She had missed her friends so much, she had friends from university and the coffee shop but she couldn’t be as free and open with them as with her fellow Disney friends. They had a lot to catch up, Disney movies they hadn’t watched together, changes in the parks, new characters and new events. Rose and Rey had started talking about all the new games they had played while Finn and Poe had drifted to the back of the conversation. Rey was pretty sure that Naveen was going to get some manager ass sooner than later. 

By midnight, and with an early shift in their schedule, they decided that it was better to go back home and Poe kept suggesting a karaoke session in his cabin, he was the only one who had a single cabin. Rey was definitely drunk enough to join them, Rose was a sleepy drunk so most of the trip back was spent drooling by the Uber’s window. Finn was excited to do whatever Poe suggested but he wanted Rey to join him because he missed her. 

Rose provided Rey with the perfect excuse to go back to the cabin, but she had to promise Finn she was going to sing some Moana songs with him -she would probably pass out in the cabin anyway since by the looks Poe and Finn were sharing using the rearview mirror she wasn’t much welcomed in Poe’s cabin.

Once inside the camp they went their separate ways. Rose was walking groggily and Rey had to almost drag her to the cabin. Suddenly she felt Rose’s weight felt way lighter. 

“You awake, Rosie?” She asked without looking at her, it was already hard to walk without looking at her own feet. 

“I see you have been celebrating” The voice sent shivers down her spine, the bottom of her stomach feeling weird for a moment. 

“There’s nothing to celebrate” She whispered, trying to walk in a straight line. 

“You should stay here, I’ll take Rose to the cabin and I’ll come back for you” 

She didn’t know why but she stopped and seated in the steps of the closest cabin. The voice was familiar but in her state everything sounded muffled, as if she was underwater. Her alcohol tolerance had increased in the last few years but Poe would still give her a run for her money and she had let him convince her to order their 6th margarita jug. 

Her head bounced up and down, she was seriously drunk. Thankfully she had another free day before she had to go to get her wig and dress fitted so she could spend her whole day having a personal pity party in bed. She was sure she was going to end up crying at some point, she might even break something in anger and she just hoped she could get everything out of her system before she needed to work. 

After all, Poe and Finn had assured her that she wouldn’t have to see Ben at all. He was an acting coach and she didn’t need an acting coach. He lived outside the park, even though he had an assigned cabin just in case he needed to stay late or start early, but he hadn’t used since he came back a few months back, as Poe had informed her. She didn’t want to know why he was back or any more information than necessary, she just wanted to know that she would be able to avoid him for 4 months before she went back home. 

“Are you ready to go and sleep it off?” The low voice from before said in front of her and against her best interest she shook her head still looking down. 

She knew she should probably go but deep down she was scared to fall asleep. Even in her drunkness she was sure that if she had already dreamed of Ben without seeing him, now that she knew he was close the dreams would be more traumatic. What if she dreamt of the good days? What if she woke up hot and wanting and needing him? That was way more terrifying that the nightmares in which she just hated him. 

He seated next to her and dropped a jacket over her shoulders. It wasn’t cold at all, the soft breeze bringing some much needed coldness to the otherwise suffocating summer heat. They seated in silence, Rey trying to stop the tears forming in her eyes while he just breathed slowly, as if he was trying to calm himself. 

“I missed this” He said and Rey finally looked up and even through blurry eyes and the darkness reigning in the camp she finally recognized him and, for a second, the butterflies came back. 

“Why are you here?” She asked weakly, the animosity gone from her voice and only the hurt burning every word. 

“I missed this” He said again, this time looking at her directly, his brown eyes almost glistening. 

“This is a bad idea” She said trying to get up but Ben’s hand grabbed her wrist and she fell back to her seat. “Why are you doing this? Why are you here? Why do you keep hurting me!?” Her voice raised with each question, questions she had been asking herself for years now and that she had accepted would never get an answer. 

“Would it change anything if I gave you an answer?” Ben asked quietly and Rey knew deep down that he was right, no answer would undo the damage. “I do this because it’s what I do best. I’m here because Poe hired me. It’s not my intention to hurt you, you weren’t supposed to be here in the first place” His voice was no more than a whisper but they were so close she could hear everything. 

And he had been right, she had the answers but they had no meaning. Did she secretly wished that he had said he was back for her? Why would he? He left her, broke up with her and Poe had probably told him that she was gone and had been for a few years.

“Poe had forgotten to tell me you were here when he hired me” Rey said weakly. She was tired, so tired, physically and emotionally, the alcohol numbing her senses but giving her some sort of bluntness and honesty she wouldn’t normally have. 

“I see.” He simply said “I think I should take you to your cabin” He got up and Rey didn’t make any movement so he tugged her wrist to help her get up. 

Before she could think about it twice and without letting him register the movement she got up and crashed against his chest, her face buried deeply while she hugged him clumsily with one arm. He didn’t move and she wondered if he was going to reject her again. She squeezed harder, maybe if she squeezed hard enough he wouldn’t be able to get away. 

But she had forgotten that he was huge and strong and he wasn’t drunk so of course he was able to open her arms without any effort. She groaned, almost childishly, and looked down defeated. Of course he didn’t want her, of course his presence here had nothing to do with her. Of course he had moved on, he was probably dating a hot shot actress who was prettier and more talented than her.  _ Of course _ she was still the pathetic teenager she was when he knew him as the Beast. 

“You are drunk, Rey” He said matter-of-factly while reaching for her chin. 

She tried to force her head down, she didn’t want to look at him, she wasn’t going to survive being rejected a second time and she was already pathetic enough without seeing the pity on his face. 

“Rey, look at me” He pleaded and normal Rey found it hard to resist him so for drunk Rey was mission impossible. “We will talk tomorrow, ok? Go to bed and we’ll talk tomorrow, I promise” 

His voice sounded tender and Rey found that she didn’t want to wait. What if by morning all her bluntness was gone and she was back to be that shell of a person she had been for 3 years. She wanted to climb him like a tree, turn into a koala and stay there forever, what if he wanted to wait until the next day only so he was sure that his rejection was fully acknowledge? 

“I don’t want to go to my cabin, can we go to yours? I want to sleep tomorrow and Rose will wake up early? Who do you share with?” She knew it was a long shot, there was no way Ben was going to allow her to spend the night in his cabin even though she’d accept the couch -she wasn’t  _ that  _ blunt yet- but since she was being pathetic enough to beg why not take advantage? If she knew something about Ben is that, deep down, he wasn’t a bad guy. 

He dropped the hand that was grabbing her chin and looked at her with hesitation for a moment. “I have Poe’s cabin, I don’t share with anyone, he is sharing with Finn” 

Rey felt her face burn, was she blushing? Did the cool breeze disappear in the last 3 seconds? Was she dying? She wasn’t sure at this point what was happening, she only knew that she needed to talk to Ben tonight. She knew that if she let morning come, if she let herself get lost in her work routine, she would go back to hate him with a burning passion and he would go back to ignore her presence like earlier in the canteen. 

Ben dropped his gaze and Rey felt the pang of rejection burning behind her eyes. She knew it was a long shot so why was she hurt? Was she really stupid enough to think that after 3 years he would have forgotten their last conversation? They probably said all they had to say back then, why did she think they needed to talk? 

“If you are ok with it” He said still looking at the ground while he grabbed her wrist again and started walking. 

Rey’s legs were still slightly unstable so she let Ben drag her all the way to the known cabin. Her mind was at the same time racing and unable to form a comprehensible thought. She was the one who had suggested going to his cabin and she wanted to talk to him so badly but what was she supposed to say? Was she following him just so she could keep yelling at him about how much he had hurt her or was she going to beg him to take her back? 

Ben let go of her while he opened the door and turned on the light of the living room. Rey stood by the door, knowing it was the last chance to admit this was a mistake and run away. 

“Aren’t you coming in?” He asked with worry, like you would talk to a wounded animal who looked ready to run. 

“Um- y-yes, sure” 

Ben went to the small kitchen to make tea and Rey stepped into the living room slowly. She knew the cabin perfectly, she had been there a million times when it was Poe’s and they would have pizza parties and karaoke parties and trivia nights. That last year before she left it would be Finn, Poe, Rose, her and Ben -yes, even intimidating Prince Beast- who would be joined by the hip, almost as a family. 

“I told him I didn’t need the cabin but Poe insisted, I think he used me as an excuse to share with Finn” Ben’s voice took Rey out of her mind and it took her a couple of beats to understand what he was talking about. 

“Are they together?” Yes, small talk, exactly what she needed to get her thoughts in order. 

“I don’t know if they are together  _ together _ , but they are certainly  _ fucking _ ” He laughed slightly and the sound made Rey’s stomach clench. 

“If even Ben Solo has noticed they are fucking, it means that they are most likely engage at this point” She laughed, a tiny part of her mind wondering why it was so easy to fall into old habits with him. 

“Haven’t you been in contact with them these past few years?”

They fell in an awkward silence. She wasn’t ready, not yet at least, to talk about the last 3 years -this was definitely a mistake- and starting by admitting that she had cut all contact with her friends because she had been weak and coward was definitely not how she expected to spend her last free night. 

“Rey?” He insisted turning finally to look at her, the kettle almost forgotten in the stove. 

She was rooted to the spot, her mind still numb and foggy by the alcohol and her heart racing. 

“I ran away” She whispered looking at the floor and she noticed Ben walking closer to her. 

“I know you ran away from me, but why haven’t you talked to any of your friends? They were your friends, they only tolerated me because of you.”

Ben’s tone was almost apologetic and Rey tried to look at him with incredulity. 

“They were  _ our  _ friends and I was the one who left so-” 

“So you just assumed they’d take my side because I was still here and not yours because you are the person they truly love?” 

He was hurt, Rey knew, she still knew every nuance is his voice, and the anger, that was almost drowned by alcohol, started bubbling to the surface, he had no right to be hurt nor to make her feel guilty. 

“If they really prefer me why would you still be here? Why would Poe even  _ dare  _ to call me back knowing I never wanted to see you again?” Her voice started raising and she thanked Poe for changing cabins so no one would listen to their fight this time. 

“You hate me that much, huh?” 

“What?” She was positively confused and angry, this was not what she wanted, she had expected to talk quietly with a cup of tea, maybe remember a couple of good moments. Deep down she had wanted to mend her heart, at the end of the day what they both needed was some kind of closure but instead they were reopening wounds, even inflicting new ones. 

“This is a mistake” He muttered and walked back to the living room. 

But Rey was still confused, still drunk and still very angry so this time she wasn’t going to run away from the fight and she was going to get what she needed. She followed him and stood just a foot away from his back. She could feel the hair in her arms stand in his proximity, the ecstatic electricity making her shiver. 

It had always been like that with them. Since the moment they met there was some sort of primal energy pulling them together. Some people said it was explosive, and after their last fight she had to agree with them. 

They had met when Rey started playing the Belle opposite to his Beast, he was a veteran, he had almost outgrown the character already and everyone knew he was surely going to go work behind the scenes in no time. 

Rey was new, naive and young and Ben took her under his wing immediately, he taught her everything about the parks, about the business and about his love for acting for young children. Princes weren’t as popular as Princesses so he took every photo op opportunity to interact with guests of all ages -everyone knew he had one of the biggest female audiences of all the princes- and Rey was delighted to see him act. 

It took them literally two weeks to declare their feelings for each other and, even though they weren’t sure about being public in front of Poe and the rest of the cast members, they soon discovered that they weren’t fooling anyone so their relationship became very public. They would work together for the summer and then they would visit each other the rest of the year, Rey would go to NYC and stay in Ben’s flat while Ben would visit Rey in campus whenever he had any free time. 

And that was why Ben’s betrayal had hurt her so deeply -deeply enough she hadn’t even spare a thought about how it would have affected Ben at all- and why she was still angry 3 years later. After all they had gone throughm he had chosen a life without her on it and he didn’t even give her the option of having an opinion. 

Rey felt her hand moving on its own and resting on his back, the warmth from his body familiar and welcoming. They stood there, the same type of energy from their past still running through them and she felt Ben tremble slightly. 

“I do” Rey whispered before resting her head against Ben’s back “I hate you so much it hurts to breath. I hate you so much I can’t sleep at night. I hate you so much I haven’t make new friends because I’m scared.” She was suddenly so tired, her anger and her confusion felt like a million pounds on her shoulders. 

“I don’t blame you” Ben’s voice was soft, almost resigned. “I hate myself too so it’s not really a surprise that you hate me too” 

Ben went back to the kitchen and Rey almost groaned at the loss of contact. He started preparing tea for two and Rey felt unshed tears stinging her eyes. 

“Please, don’t cry” Ben said from the other side of the room and it didn’t help at all. “Please, Rey” He pleaded again and Rey nodded looking at the floor, she was sure that she wasn’t going to be able to stop now. 

She had spent 3 years bathing in hatred and self-pity, she had used the hate and anger she felt as a moving force to survive and now that she was seeing his pain, how was she supposed to find closure? Why couldn’t she just forget him and move on? 

Before she could do anything she felt Ben’s arms circling her waist tightly, her head found his chest automatically. Her whole body started shaking and she didn’t try to stop the sobs, feeling like she was back to that night before she run away from him and her life. 

She could only hear Ben pleading her to stop crying over and over again, almost like a prayer, but the pain in his voice only made her break down until she was a sobbing mess, almost unable to stand if it wasn’t because Ben was supporting her. 

They lost track of time, they could have stayed like that for minutes or hours, they didn’t know. Rey cried until her throat was hoarse and her eyes sting while Ben only stopped pleading to plant kisses on top of her head. 

“You should use the bed, I will sleep in the couch” He said finally and Rey knew they both were exhausted. 

“I’m ok, I can go back to my cabin if you prefer or I can take the couch, I know it’s too small for you.” Her voice was awful, almost painful, but she still tried. 

She didn’t want to leave but she didn’t have the energy to continue talking. Ben didn’t reply and simply picked her up from the floor. Rey wanted to protest but, to be honest, she felt warm and safe in his arms and she was sure that she fell asleep before they got to the bedroom. 

🏰🏰🏰

Rey woke up slowly, the orange hue of the sunrise bathing her face. She yawned and froze when her hand touched something hard and warm next to her in the bed. She tried to remember what had happened without looking to what was beside her. She remembered meeting Finn, going to have dinner and many margaritas. She could remember Rose being drunk, something about karaoke… she was probably sleeping with Rose, right? Or maybe it was Finn, he had missed her enough to share a bed, right? Sure, it had to be one of her friends. 

She turned around slowly, trying to not wake up her bed companion and praying to see one of her friends and not a stranger but what she saw was way worse than having a one night stand with a random guy. 

She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs, what had she done? 

“Are you already awake? It’s early” He spoke groggily and Rey jumped in the bed, standing immediately. 

Ben turned around and looked at her -he almost looked comical with his disheveled hair and almost a question mark on his head, also hot and yummy but she wasn’t going to admit  _ that _ \- and she was sure she was looking at him with a bewildered, totally awake face. 

“Wh-what happened yesterday?” She asked panicked

“Yesterday? You mean you don’t remember anything?” 

She tried to gather her thoughts again. Finn, Mexican, Margaritas with Poe, Rose drunk. After that all were flashes, a warm back, stingy eyes, sobbing? She felt her face flush. Even though she couldn’t remember what had exactly happened something in her gut was telling her that it wasn’t good. 

“Nothing happened” He said and Rey let a sigh “literally nothing, I made tea, you cried until you passed out and I passed out immediately too, sorry that you had to suffer my presence early in the morning” 

“It’s ok” She said and she let herself fall into bed again, sitting against the wall. “I guess that’s why my throat hurts, Poe is going to kill me.”

“Are you starting today? With Hux?” 

“Yes, but I won’t be in the park, just fitting. I’m sorry, Ben, I have the feeling that all this was my fault, I think I’ll leave now.”

“None of it is your fault, Rey. And you were right last night. We definitely need to talk, maybe you could have breakfast with me?” Ben sounded a little wary, like he was trying to not scare her. 

“S-sure.” 

She got out of bed ungracefully trying to not get close to him in the small bed and rushed to the bathroom. She look at herself in the mirror with horror. Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair looked closer to a bird’s nest and her skin was splotchy. She washed her face and took Ben’s toothpaste to try to at least look and smell presentable -not that she needed to be presentable for Ben- and she tried to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t ready to have that conversation but now, without the shadow of alcohol numbing her feelings, she really needed closure if they wanted to work together. 

Rey went to the living room and sit in the kitchen table. Ben was making breakfast, a coffee maker bubbling in the stove while he mixed ingredients in a bowl for what looked like pancakes. The atmosphere in the cabin was relaxing, the warm light of the sun coming through the window, the sounds made by the kitchen tools a familiar background, almost as if the last 3 years hadn’t passed at all. 

“I hope you still like coffee and blueberry pancakes” He said without looking and Rey felt a smile creeping. 

“Yeah, I still like it” 

Ben finished cooking and gave Rey a cup of capuccino and a plate with a stack of steamy pancakes. He sit in front of her and started sipping his black coffee, eyeing Rey while she tried her creamy beverage. 

“So” He started breaking the silence

“So” She replied, definitely not knowing how to start the conversation.

“Poe didn’t tell you I was working here when he hired you?” 

“Why are you even back here? You didn’t reply when I asked you the first time. And no, he didn’t tell me, he knew I wouldn’t accept.”

“I- it was a mistake” He said and Rey looked down, she knew it was a mistake and didn’t need him telling her every 5 minutes. “I mean, the documentary, leaving this, leaving- leaving you. I came back 6 months later ready to beg for your forgiveness but you were gone and nobody knew where you were so I left again. I went back to New York and went back to Julliard and when Poe asked me to help him with some new cast members I didn’t really have anything better to do and I was sure you wouldn’t be here so…” He almost didn’t breath between words, as if he had rehearsed the whole speech over and over again until he had it memorize. 

Rey just looked down at her plate, her fork picking the small blueberries imbedded in the pancakes. What was she supposed to reply to Ben’s confession? What was she supposed to do knowing he came back for her but she had run away like an animal to lick her wounds for 3 years? 

“Rey, look, I don’t want to make you feel guilty or anything. I just wanted to clarify that yes, you were right and I hate myself for what I did to you and for making you run away from everyone”

“Wait, you don’t have to take the blame for everything.” She interrupted him. “Yes, you broke me but I was too hurt and I didn’t want to see the pity in everyone’s eyes. That’s why I had to run away, I went back to LA, I kept studying and I worked somewhere else, I was ready to move on from everything but there was something that still kept me chained to the past.” Honesty felt kind of foreign to her but it was like a weight was being lifted. 

“I understand. Hate is a painful feeling. I couldn’t even picture you hating someone, even less that I would be the recipient of it. But now you can let it go, I will leave tomorrow, I will hand my resignation to Poe and you won’t have to hear about me ever again”

“Ben, wait.” She cut him before he could continue with this misunderstanding, she knew what she needed to do and it was now or never. “No, you don’t understand. You don’t get it at all. I couldn’t let you go not because I hate you but-” She took a breath, trying to steady her voice “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t do this and you probably have finally moved on but yeah, I still have feelings for you, I kinda do, I think, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be still hurt. I know our story is over but I need to get everything out of my chest if we want to have closure, if I want to move on. So, that’s that.” 

She looked at Ben, a mask of confusion clouding his face. Rey felt lighter, the pain was still there. The wound felt fresh at this moment, remembering how her hate was only a consequence of her love for him hurt but it also meant she was taking steps to heal and she was actually proud of herself. 

Rey waited for him to say something but he just looked at her, his lips tight and his brown eyes almost looked like molten amber when the sunlight hit them. She felt herself get lost in the layers, she could read his eyes like book, she could see Ben’s sadness, how hurt he always had been and how he never believed in himself or his work -even though he always believed in  _ her _ \- she could also see his boyish side playing in the depths of his pupils, the kind of glimmer that made her fall for him in the first place. 

He got up from the table and walked to her and Rey let out a shaky breath, trying to calm her nerves, she didn’t know what he was going to do and she wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t regret stepping into that cabin in the first place. 

Ben kneeled next to her and simply buried his face into her lap and she saw his shoulders tremble slightly. She didn’t know if he was crying or simply relief but she let herself relax and buried her fingers into his soft hair, his dark strands caressing her fingertips and sending shivers down her spine. 

“Rey” He said, his voice muffled against her lap. “I don’t want to move on, I don’t want  _ you  _ to move on. I want you to know that I still love you, you might not be sure about your feelings now, but please, Rey, would you give me another change?” 

She kept brushing his hair, deep in thought. They stood like that for a moment, she knew she had to say something but she wanted to stay frozen in time, the feelings of knowing that he still wanted her warming her insides. But was she ready go back to him? Would she be able to forgive and forget the pain and move on? 

He looked up for a moment and the reply was clear once she looked into those brown eyes. She couldn’t stop the smile from forming and she simply nodded. Ben caught her by surprise and kissed her deeply, hungrily, like he had been starving for years. 

And, in fact, they were. They both were starving for the other so Rey replied to his kiss with the same intensity and Ben’s moan of surprise felt satisfying that she felt brave enough to stand up and push Ben backwards. He understood Rey’s intention in a second and, like he had done only a few hours earlier, he picked her up bridal style. She kept working on his perfect neck, landing wet kisses that most definitely would leave bruises while Ben walked hastily to the bedroom, where they would start working on rebuilding their trust and relationship. 

🏰🏰🏰

Poe, Finn and Rose were worried. Last night was a blur for them but they knew Rey’s mental health wouldn’t be the best today and it was her first day. The trio was hangover-ish so they had decided to go straight to the cast cafeteria to have the greasiest breakfast available while they decided what to do about Rey. 

“She didn’t sleep in her bed tonight, but I have a post it on my nightstand this morning saying she was ok. It wasn’t her handwriting so what if she has been kidnapped?!” 

“Do you think we should call the police?” Finn was really worried but his headache was occupying most of his brain power. 

“She is fine, I sent her a message this morning and she said she was coming to her fitting but that she might be running a little late. Maybe she ended up doing one of her dramatic scenes in the beach, you know how she gets all Princess-esque” 

Poe showed them Rey’s last message at 5:30 am. It only said “I’m ok, ttyl” so they could only speculate and hope for their friend to appear any time soon. 

They kept eating their breakfast in silence, the uneasiness of their friend’s fate still lingering in the air. Each time the double doors opened they looked up, hoping to see her but it took them to almost half an hour to sigh in relief at her presence. 

“Rey!” Finn called for her, grimacing a little at his own loud voice. 

She was smiling, almost beaming, and they looked at each other conspicuously. Last thing they remember were 6 jugs of margaritas, a failed karaoke session and Rey almost ready to kill them. 

But if they had questions before they were now looking at her with their jaws so open it hurt, just a second after she spotted them inside the canteen someone else had opened the door, kissed her in the cheek before heading out again. 

“Was- He- Did you-?” Rose was babbling, and Finn and Poe simply nodded without breaking eye contact with Rey. 

“Boo, you whore!” Muttered Poe when Rey got close to their table, their food forgotten. 

“Did we just witnessed a Halsey-level redemption story?” Finn said to Rose, who was still in shock, her mouth opening and closing like a koi fish in a pond. 

“You better tell us  _ everything _ ! I made this happen!” Poe jumped from his chair and hugged Rey, his joy infecting Finn and Rose who joined the group hug. 

And Rey knew that even though this was just the beginning and there was a lot of work to do and walls to break down, at least this time she was ready to face her future and she had her family to help her rebuild her life.  __

  
  



End file.
